Today is the day I have finally had enough.

I've been pretending, of course, all along.

That's not to say I haven't been busy. Au contraire, I've kept at it throughout.

Sold some World Books, studied Buddha, directed Purlie, died on stage.

Baked bread enough to fill a cave for Croesus and every minotaur -

from dill to disgusting. Ad-libbed deep prayer and did crosswords

in airplane seats darting here to there.

Studied poetry, learned to riff, won awards and dug til stiff. Let my heart soar.

Paid my dues with daily tasks, spiked my orange juice from flasks, always wistfully, of course.

Lost a thousand pounds and gained them, lived life rich and ate a horse.

Scho0l I taught, and morals, too. Trained adults, threw coins in Rome. I slept on floors.

Gleaned a mile - kept the smile - worked retreats and laughed too much.

Kept a schedule, blew the wad, stayed a friend to one with sores.

Lived life poor, and not Al Franken nor any other wit as such

who'd say 'never good enough, strong enough, how can people like me?'

If they only knew, could see right through my acts, done so politely.

Nah. Could never laugh TOO much.

But today I got really peeved.

I met her, watched her, dwarfed in size with made-up eyes to show the world her whimsy.

But she had done what I have not - parlayed her stuff, albeit flimsy, into a real live career, oh please. And there I was to ask of her a chance - just begging that she notice me - Could I? Would I? Should I try to win her favor so to get some work - enough to pay the parking bill or train ride there? I must wear a skirt and act the flirt to garner tips and plenty. I did the stint, steeled like flint for shots with girls of twenty.

When last had I been angry enough to recognize my Fall? I have not honored who I am.

Through all the years, it mattered not that I'd foregone my call. Not teacher, actor, scribe nor wit - just a daughter, sister, wife

who had decided that her life

was to be that of mama filled with drama who would never ever speak her truth because it'd cost her all - and I mean all - her soul's delights.

I have had enough. I am stepping out and into the world as I am meant to. I start today. Right now.